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a girl in the war
December 2006
Wed, Dec. 27th, 2006 05:45 pm

she said she felt like
she was full of caution signs
and madness.

brittle bones
with a wildfire for a heart.


Fri, Nov. 24th, 2006 08:10 am

these things inside me, they repeat like broken records
spinning pretty somethings behind my eyes
& when i can't look at you i can paint your picture perfectly in my mind
& when i get old i'm gonna miss you all the time
that wind up in the trees
scattering bluebirds all over the place
shufflin' children into piles of leaves
i wish i was the wind, i'd touch your face
this afternoon with you was something like a letter
the kind that someone writes but never sends
& when you're good to me it makes me blue
because someday it's gonna end
& when we pass on, i bet you miss your friends

some ryan adams songs just weren't meant for playing on repeat; unless your intention is to really fuck yourself up.


Thu, Oct. 12th, 2006 01:09 am

i just got a myspace friend request from nikki (formerly) dufresne...

i know it's probably not really her. but it's kind of random. my myspace doesn't even say anything about hanson on it...



Fri, Oct. 6th, 2006 05:17 pm

i think janet fitch's new book, paint it black, is fucking me up a little bit.

"tell me about your boyfriend," lola said, settling back on the pillows. "the one who dies."

how to sum it up. she couldn't begin, she couldn't find the words. how to describe him, it would sound like four different people. his genuis, his beauty. how maddening he was, how tender. how she never thought she would ever love someone so much, hadn't even known she had it in her. and how fucked up it got. she was sure of all people, lola lola would understand, the one person who could. "he believed in a true world. a world behind this one, that shines through it, like a candle through a lampshade."


Thu, Oct. 5th, 2006 12:53 pm

current loves:

+ my dog riley
+ project runway
+ purchasing beirut's gulag orkestar
+ falling back in love with john mayer's heavier things
+ a boyfriend that will make me sandwiches in the middle of the night when i'm hungry and too lazy to make one myself.


Wed, Oct. 4th, 2006 12:28 am

1. YOUR ROCK STAR NAME: ( pet and childhood street name)
Wednesday Serena

2. YOUR MOVIE STAR NAME: (grandfather/grandmother on your mom's side and favorite candy)
Elaine Caramello

3. YOUR "FLY Guy/Girl" NAME: (first initial of last name, first two letters of your middle name)

4. YOUR DETECTIVE NAME: (favorite color, favorite animal)
Violet Cat

5. YOUR SOAP OPERA NAME: (middle name, city where you were born)
Lyn Fresno

6. YOUR STAR WARS NAME: (the first 3 letters of your last name, first 2 letters of your first name, first 2 letters of mom's maiden name and first 3 letters of the town you grew up in.)

7. SUPERHERO NAME: ("The", your favorite color, favorite drink)
The Violet Midori

8. NASCAR NAME: (the first name of both your grandfathers)
Joe Jeffrey

9. FUTURISTIC NAME: ( the name of your favorite perfume/cologne and the name of your favorite shoes)
None Frye

10.WITNESS PROTECTION NAME: (mother/father's middle name )
Ellen Bedell


Sun, Oct. 1st, 2006 11:29 am

1. In two words, explain what ended your last relationship? a joke

2. When was the last time you shaved your legs? yesterday

3. What were you doing this morning at 8am? sleeping

4. What were you doing 15 minutes ago? laying in bed next to my boyfriend

5. Are you any good at math? not anymore.

6. Your prom night? i went with my first boyfriend (or one week at the time) i wore an ivory dress my grandmother had made me, he wore chucks, we went home after prom. nothing too exciting.

7. Do you have any famous ancestors? somewhere somehow back there, i'm related to jesse james (the outlaw...not the motorcycle guy)

8. Have you ever taken out a loan to pay for school? nope not yet

9. Do you know the words to the song on your myspace profile? not all of them...it's faking the books by lali puna...the song i'm dancing to in this semesters dance concert

10. Last thing received in the mail? a birthday postcard from my aunt in ariona

11. How many different beverages have you drank today? i haven't had any

12. Do you ever leave messages on people's answering machines? if i must

13. Who did you lose your CONCERT virginity to? the first REAL concert was aerosmith and jonny land when i was 14

14. Do you draw your name in the sand when you go to the beach? i've only done it once

15. What's the most painful dental procedure you've had? wisdom teeth, ew.

16. What is out your back door? i don't really have a 'back door' or a 'front door' out in the country you just have doors, with lots of 'outside' all around you.

17. Any plans for Friday night? eating dinner with my mom and step dad for his birthday.

18. Do you like the ocean? of course

19. Have you ever received one of those big tins of 3 different kinds of popcorn for Christmas? me, personally no. but my family has.

20. Have you ever been to a planetarium? i don't think so, actually.

22. Something you are excited about? eating at japanese kitchen tonight, woo hoo!

23. What is your favorite flavor of JELLO? grody!!! i loathe jello.

24. Are any of your great-grandparents still alive? no :-(

25. Describe your keychain: four keys (one is yellow with roses, and another is tied-dyed *and i don't need it anymore*) a key chain from a radio station in bakersfeild that was responsible for private hanson and ben jelen shows that i attended, and a flash drive for my computer class,

26. Where do you keep your change? i LOOOOOVE change. i hate not having any.

27. When was the last time you spoke in front of a large group of people? last week when i sopke about the 'importance of dance' to lissa's drama class.

28. What kind of winter coat do you have? i have a huge red, yellow, green, orange, tweed jacket that is the warmest thing ever.

29. What was the weather like on your graduation? i really don't remember....

30. Do you sleep with the door to your room open or closed? closed, my house is much too loud every morning for any other option.


Mon, Sep. 25th, 2006 02:58 am


Thu, Aug. 31st, 2006 12:51 pm

after listening to john mayer's new album (here), i have decided i forgive him for dating jessica simpson.

it's THAT good.
(not to mention SEXY :-X)


Tue, Aug. 15th, 2006 06:26 pm

a diet of soup, ice cream, jamba juice, and vicodin has made for a very interesting last couple of days. i called in sick to work to day partly because of stomach ache (see diet above), partly because the four empty sockets where my wisdom teeth once were still ache annoyingly enough to make me believe that obnoxious customer complaints could send me into a violent rage, and also a little because of my irritation with the fact that i can no longer play music in the store with any sort of vocal track. borders, i am beginning to lose my faith in you.

i just finished my very first homework assignment of the semester. i turned what should have been a one page response to an essay about education entitlement in to a two page rant about the lack of focus in my ballet class from last semester. hmph. i don't know...i think it may work.

i feel crazy. i feel like i'm all over the place. focus seems like a distant memory. my heart feels like it's on a rollercoaster for no reason. like it's just trying to piss me off. summer was too good to be, too easy. so now everything seems fucked up for no reason.

i need to get the hell out of here. i felt it the most on sunday night driving home in ellie's car. i don't know what it was, it was just a feeling that if i got out of town then everything would be better, everything would make some sort of sense.

i am so ridiculous right now, i can't even write i feel so crazy.

oh well, maybe this is a good thing.


Thu, Jul. 27th, 2006 02:37 pm

this summer has never ceased in shocking me. wonderful & disasterous. everything & nothing. short & much too long. uncommonly beautiful & excruciatingly painful all in one breath.

to be perfectly honest it's a bit more than i've been able to handle. so i really haven't handled it at all. my brain & my heart are on vacation. (probably sunning themselves on a tropical island somewhere; sipping brightly colored drinks & learning to hula) which has been kind of nice but i'm almost terrified of what while happen when they return. when i can't get away with faking it any longer.

i guess i shouldn't be overly dramatic. nothing truly terrible has happened. just a million and one tiny things that are building on in eachother. which i am afraid is eventually going to create a tidal wave of emotions that could end me; unless i at least try to deal with things one by one.

today has been good. especially since it started with me discovering that my bank account was NOT, in fact, $72 overdrawn. my bank just gave me that information last night to try and put me in an early grave. ugh. i got all my classes i wanted & i'm only on one waitlist. even though i'm having a terrible case of choreographer's block i cannot wait for school to start again. i need to dance. i need a purpose.

even though i had sworn myself against so you think you can dance? i did get sucked in last night. i was waiting for my beloved project runway to start and boredom & curiousity got the best of me. one of the girls in the bottom two cried during her solo. it was so fucking gorgeous, i'm still getting goosebumps thinking about it. then this morning i came across this. it's from the show a couple of weeks ago & it may be the most beautiful thing i've seen in a long time. that is the kind of passion i DREAM about. that is two minutes of the EXACT reason why i dance. it was what i needed to see to prove to myself that i can never give dance up. even if i'm never that good, it's in my bones. i wouldn't be me without it.

i think i need to dance. like, today. i need something to throw myself into.

that would just feel perfect.

Current Music: love sweet love; lynn miles


Tue, Jul. 11th, 2006 07:00 pm

i think that north american ghost music is the greatest name for an album. ever. congratulations shannon mcnally.

i came to the realization last night that i am (oddly) proud of j.k. rowling & all her accomplishments.

i'm obsessed with reading recipes, actually making them is a whole different story.

reading twyla tharp's the creative habit + listening to the pixies = the need to grab life by the throat.


Tue, Jul. 11th, 2006 03:45 pm

if ticketmaster were a person i would sooo be punching them in the face right now.

i no longer have ryan adams tickets for the anahiem show because they are inconsiderate assholes. they totally made me believe there was absolutely no problem with my tickets. i just had to change my billing information at my bank and every would be fucking dandy. & then they CANCEL MY ORDER.

"unfortunately the show is now sold out; so there is nothing we can do but refund your money."

i don't want my goddam money! that's why i SPENT IT. i want ryan adams! in the flesh! singing me peaceful valley and mockingbird!


i'm all achy.

i was having good day too. with my twyla tharp book & my caramel frappucino.

whatever. i have to believe this will all work in the end. the way it was intended too. my boyfriend, my friends, me, & mr. adams. ticketmaster will not keep me down. that's what ebay's for.

i'm going to try and not let this ruin my day.

i mean, i still have frozen s'mores to make. & i refuse to believe that any day one chooses to make frozen s'mores can be ruined. even by the evilest of ticket vendors.

Current Mood: grrrrrr
Current Music: belle & sebastian


Mon, Jul. 10th, 2006 01:09 am

current loves: being lazy, boyfriend's ipod, the amazing bed in my mom's spare bedroom, goofing off at work, baths, my dog riley, & boxes of chocolates.

current loathes: being lazy, closing music mixes made by andy, random friend requests from slutty myspace girls, stomach aches, being female, & lack of sleep.

& that's really all i have to say for today.


Mon, Jul. 3rd, 2006 03:57 pm

you know it's summer when you have strawberry seeds stuck in your teeth and the only thing you would even consider putting on is a dress and the worlds most worn-in flip flops. i woke up this morning next to a boy that makes me the kind of happy i didn't believe existed. then i thought to myself "god, things are so different."

& i am so okay with that.



Mon, Jul. 3rd, 2006 10:03 am

going back to nashville, laughing at a bad break
what's the use in wondering why
maybe i'm a storm front rolling through the valley
tearing up a good july
and its safe and warm where nothing ever happens
would it be so hard to realign a star or two
change a southern night for you
well it's not quite evening and it's not new york
theres a scar in the blue sky by the old airport
and i'm talking crazy on the driver's side
i will always love you like a long goodbye